JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
