You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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