Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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