I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
