he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
