She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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