got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
