I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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