There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
