and she was petting her beer can
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
