Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love having hate sex.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
