I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
