It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
