Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
