I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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