Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize