Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
