xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So many bounce houses so little time
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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