the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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