she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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