I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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