I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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