when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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