Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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