no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
