woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
