even my farts smell like vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
