My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize