We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
