Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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