On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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