Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
