I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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