alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
