If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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