I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
