just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
