i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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