dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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