New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My vagina is officially offended.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
