she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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