don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
