? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
