fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
