i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
