Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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