did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
