you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
