For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
