btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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