I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
