i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize