Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
