Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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