I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
