I can tuck mytits in my pants
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize