Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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