can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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