Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
