I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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