I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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