i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
