I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
