I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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