i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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