FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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