ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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